32. I might aswell jump in a lake - it´s wrong – it´s too late – you don´t love me.

It would have been better if not I had have you inside my brain the entire time.
Wondering about your words, your stonecold heart and those twiches you make with your eyes when you smile.

It was 2.33 in the afternoon and all the memories of you started to stick on my skin.
I would look at my left hand and the memory of your hand in my hand that time on the rollercoasters last summer would come running agaist me and my present time in 200 miles an hour.

I turned around and watched him sleep, could not help to compare him with you.
As your face was tattoed to my mind I could might as well entertain myself with it.
His upperlip was smaller and not as red. His nose was not as big as yours but also had freckles on it.
His eyebrows were brown, yours were hazel.
How come I´d remember those things and not your middle-name?
His ears were a little bit bigger than yours. And he had too perfect teeth.
You had crooked teeth.
He talked about The Rolling Stones like you talked about The Shins.


No, I was done with this for the day.

I Got up quietly and left the apartment around 5.57 in the morning and walked thru the streets of my new neighborhood. It was some kind of magic in the air, the streets smelled like fresh bread and it seemed like everyone was doing laundry and sprinkling cinnamon all around.
The air was grey and mystic as the haze entered the city you had made me fall in love with.

I still can´t belive your not here with me anymore.
I still can´t belive I am not where you are.
I still can´t belive that you are somewhere else today,
and yesterday and probably tomorrow.

The prescense of her new lover was not strong enough for her to just forget all the memories with him, so as she layed there wrapped in another man´s arms,
her mind began to wander back to the time when her former lover was her whole world.