21. Take me back to heartache and complane, bring me down, knock me down./ I WANT A LOVER I DONT HAVE TO LOVE.

I needed this to stop, our I would die of desperation and sillyness.
I would become paranoid and I could not live my life under my covers waiting for an addiction that was not coming back.

Still, when I lived,
when I walked,
dreamt,
ate,
slept,
drank
and
ran,
I still just could not for the life of me get you out of my mind.

I used to count the times that I thought about you during a day, but could'nt, I could not count that high. I ran out of fingers, toes, even hairs.

Even though I was deep beneath countless layers of covers, pillows and blankets my whole body was freezing, from inside my heart and veins out to the tips of my toes. It did not matter how warm the room was, how many cups of tea with milk and honey I drank, my toes were still freezing and my heart was still stone cold, freezing to death.I hid deeper beneath the cover.

Started to think about heartaches that had passed.
How long time it took.
How alone I had felt.
This time was going to be different.
I knew that even though I could not get him out of my head I could get someone else in my bed.