16. I belive you took the best of me.

I can not write about his side of this story cause I dont know it. I can not know the true story cause everytime I try, it always turns out to be unrealistic lies.

You can not stay neutral when it comes to matters of the heart. It is impossible, even less when it is matters that involves your own heart. Either you will be to stubborn to realize that the other person has human faults aswell, or you will be too weak to realize that it was not all your fault. Every person has their bruises with love. Some more, some less. I do not know witch of those groups should consider themselves the most lucky. The beaten-up ones for having such an inmense sense of experience or the easily bruised ones for still having faith in the godness and love of people.

I called myself stupid for even inventing ridiculous excuses on your behalf and crawled under the covers, despereate to get a new kick from my addiciton. You, that is. But you where not there, I could not get high on your invented words and your whisperings sounds from the other side of the country.


Sometimes, while walking down the streets of my neighborhood, in the town where I have resided my entire adolescent life I wonder how many lovestories that were in the making just watching the people walking down beside me.

There were an old couple, holding hands maybe just for the sake that it was the only way for them to not fall flat on their bums. Or maybe that was the obvious reason, but the underlying reason was that they had lost everything besides each other.

Their parents were long gone, their grandparents aswell, many of their friends, brothers, sisters, former lovers, former friends. Maybe even sons and daughters. They where holding on tight because they treasured each other so highly that they knew that by letting go they where letting go of the only thing that they truly had left in this life.

I knew that I was probably wrong, that that was not their lifestory at all, they had maybe met as 30-year olds, both bitter from losing their adolescent loves and got married for the sake of not being alone. Maybe they had spent their entire lives together dreaming and imaging their young loves instead of the person laying next to them.

I knew that was a possibility.

I decided to belive the first alternative though. It was the less bitter option and as my lovelife was in ruins I could simply not bare of the thought that other people were having to experience that same pain aswell.