11. as I step into the night.

I somehow managed to fall asleep as usual that night.
He was leaving the country a few hours later.
At 2:33 I awoke by a twitch in my left hand. At exactly 2:33 his plane took off into the skies.

I was not surprised.I waited. I swore I would never point out my supposed allergy to e-mails ever again in my life.
I may despise e-mails but at least they´d let you know in a day what the other person had responded.
Five million thoughts crowded in my mind.
It was 2:33 in the afternoon and your upperlip had made an eternal scar in my brain.
Was I too honest? Would he understand?
Would his response be good, bad or just... dissapointing?

He had gone from being a staring stranger to my..
Well yes. What was he? He was him. The one he'd always be.

Just because you get a title in life dosen't mean you ARE your title.
I hated having titles. I hated even having a name.
It never felt right.
My name had always itched on me. Like one of those wonderful sweaters I´d never buy.

I was in the park. I could'nt sit on the bridge.
There's so many things I have'nt even said.
There is so many things I never can describe in words.
They just where there. Like a shadow or a wind or an explosion in disguise.
I could never write them.
They where details reserved my mind exclusivly. I'm sorry. I can't tell them.
I have told the big picture. That, you get.
One day the waiting stopped.
As I reached out my hand to the brown, half torn but perfectly packaged postcard from my saint,
my left hand started to twitch again. It was then I knew even more.

As my eyes started to feast on the letters that formed words that made this message my heart skipped faster and faster.
There was nothing I could do about it.
Mom started to make stew. Even the smell couldn't stop me.
I stood there, reading, for seconds. Minutes. Hours. Days.
I can't recall, I can't remember.
I loved every word and I would read it over and over again.
Even if he was thousand miles away from me I could see his perfected appearence, his upperlip, his smile and his voice as he said ”Braff” with that accent of his.
It was so silly. So perfectly silly.